/u/SmartaHari
I've taught children who've experienced this. It's
heartbreaking. They can make progress though, it just
takes a little while. |
/u/TheGardenNymph
My colleague adopted her disabled son from an orphanage
where he was literally chained to a wall and abused. He
has a TBI from the abuse as well as non-verbal autism,
he was only about 3 when she adopted him. She had to
literally teach him how to cry, if he ever hurt himself
she would have to make a huge deal out of it and if she
got hurt she would do the same to try and get him to
learn to show her when he was hurt, otherwise she'd
never know if he seriously hurt himself. Hes 13 now and
doing amazing, hes a really sweet, cheeky kid. |
/u/SmartaHari
I'm very glad that he's safe and loved now. Your
colleague sounds like an absolute diamond. |
/u/ClaraInOrange
Oh. My. God. This got to me |
/u/Lookatthatsass
she's a literal angel |
/u/TH3_Captn
People like your colleague are such incredible human
beings. To have all the struggles of living your own
life but still dedicate yourself to helping others is
inspirational |
/u/Khiva
There's an entire theory of relationship disorders
(fearful/anxious attachment) that originated in studies
from neglectful parenting having knock-on effects later
in life.
I tend to think that the disorders have a larger net of
causes (research is backing this up) but it's an
interesting start. |
/u/throwaway8429739
> There's an entire theory of relationship disorders
(fearful/anxious attachment) that originated in studies
from neglectful parenting having knock-on effects later
in life.
That's not entirely accurate, it's called attachment
theory and avoidance, anxious, disorganized, and secure
are the types. The first 3 can all result from neglect.
Come on people, think before you spout this stuff off
Edit: and emotionally withdrawing is avoidance anyway |
/u/decmcc
my cousin was adopted from Russia when she was 18months.
She would never cry, they said it would be a while
before she could walk/stand (yes 18 months) but after 4
days with my uncle and aunt she was standing and
walking.
loved any food that was colorful regardless of taste.
She loved bright bell peppers and carrots |
/u/SolSeptem
And these are the orphanages where it was discovered,
scientifically, that many children simply die through
lack of nurture, even if fed and clothed and cleaned.
'Failure to thrive' they called it.
Children need physical and emotional attention to live.
Literally. Not getting it can lead to death and if it
doesn't it leads to a lifetime of issues.
EDIT: I have been informed that failure to thrive can
also be used for other non-neglect related issues with
growth or development of a child. |
/u/rando1459
It's certainly a cruel form of unintentional artificial
selection. It'd be interesting to see if the surviving
children had any physically or neurologically similar
traits that gave them a better chance at survival. |
/u/YourphobiaMyfetish
For what its worth, this is basically the official Nazi
party parenting style as printed in their parenting
guide The German Mother and her First Child. Should be
easy to find cases to study based on the fact that a few
generations of German people were raised this way. From
wikipedia:
According to Haarer, after the umbilical cord was cut,
the baby should be kept in a dark room for 24 hours
without food and separated from the mother... Apart from
washing, changing and feeding the child, parents had to
leave the child completely alone: the child would
eventually become "weak" if it was showered with
affection.
If the child cried at night, the mother should ignore
it. In this way, the child would learn that crying was
pointless, Haarer concluded. When children were held,
they should be touched as little as possible and not
looked in the eyes.
According to Haarer, a baby was a tormentor whose will
had to be broken. Children were punished by withholding
love or by using violence.
Research revealed that individuals raised with Haarer's
ideas are more likely to suffer from depression and
alcohol addiction, have difficulty recognising their
emotions and forming bonds with others because they are
insecurely attached. |
/u/jerrythecactus
Imagine being so evil that you view a newborn as a
tyrant to be broken. I wonder how she was raised. |
/u/Finito-1994
Sometimes I think I don't like kids.
Then I meet people who actually don't like kids and
realize I'm
Not a hater |
/u/cellophanesheeps
I don't like them. They're annoying and sticky and I
just don't like them.
But Jesus H fucking Christ. I don't hate them. |
/u/redbark2022
Kids can sometimes be really annoying, dogs too. But
it's never their fault. It's always because they have
really shitty parents. Always. |
/u/sailor_bat_90
Raisedbynarcissists has a LOT of these sort of people
who think like that, it is usually the parents.
"You stole my man by constantly crying and wanting his
attention!" They were 2 years old.
"You purposely broke my nose before, that's how evil
you are." They were a baby who happened to flail. |
/u/1_art_please
Yeah. My parents were older parents and really really
liked being left alone and having a quiet house. My
narcissistic mother did it by saying no to everything so
you stopped asking. No to school trips. No to help. No
to play.
My little sister as a toddler could sit still and
quietly in church.
Other parents praises them for quiet, well behaved
children, my mother was super proud of herself and the
jealousy of other parents made her know she was doing
the right thing.
She would also talk about me manipulating her as a baby
and how she 'set it right'. |
/u/Korlus
In 1984, children are raised to inform on their parents;
Orwell's infamous story took it in a very different
direction:
It was almost normal for people over thirty to be
frightened of their own children. And with good reason,
for hardly a week passed in which the Times did not
carry a paragraph describing how some eavesdropping
little sneak-"child hero" was the phrase generally
used-had overheard some compromising remark and
denounced his parents to the Thought Police. |
/u/enter_nam
Snitching on your parents was also taught in D.A.R.E. |
/u/abgry_krakow87
Thanks Nancy Reagan. |
/u/aenteus
Can't bury her deep enough. Ugh. |
/u/Fimbulwinter91
If you invite totalitarianism into one part of your
society, it will inevitably seep into any area of
politics, life and culture until it has contaminated
everything. There is no such thing as limited
totalitarianism (such as electing a dictator "just for a
while to fix the economy"). |
/u/abgry_krakow87
See? This is why it was important to pay attention to
the political story in the prequel trilogy! |
/u/withinyouwithoutyou3
Nervous laughs in American |
/u/deliciousleopard
Yeah, your fundies are certainly keeping the Nazi child
rearing traditions alive and evolving.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blanket_training |
/u/_procyon
Reading that parenting "advice" I was struck by how
cartoonishly evil the nazis were in every aspect you can
imagine. I guess it's like the boiling frog analogy.
When a person has already not only had their rights
taken away but has been indoctrinated into thinking
that's a good thing, they might go along with the idea
that they shouldn't love their own children.
I suppose children raised in this way would also be
easier to control in the future. They're starved for
affection and attention, and here comes the nazi youth
organization to give them a sense of belonging. They'd
also be less likely to form strong relationships of
their own which could interfere with total loyalty to
the state. Clever I guess. |
/u/WeGottaTalkAboutYT
Lmao there are many new parents that agree with the
tyrant to be broken thing... but Jesus dude was a
monster |
/u/MediumAcceptable129
If only they could break the infant in the white house |
/u/Callidonaut
Trump was plainly already broken as a child; he is what
you get when parents are emotionally neglectful.
EDIT: Admittedly, not always; a child's developing
personality can be knocked off-course in several
different ways due to emotional neglect or abuse in
their formative years. The path Trump's warped psyche
took is by far the worst, because it's the one that
makes a person abusive in their turn and propagates the
whole wretched cycle. |
/u/wazzup-notemuch
Jesus fucking christ. |
/u/EpilepticMushrooms
Oh, it gets worse. There was a Christian couple that
absorbed the learnings and doubled down. Now it's dubbed
'worse than mein kampf', and it's teachings proliferated
through the christian communities as christian
teachings, as though Jesus wouldn't beat their asses
bare if he learnt of it. |
/u/FormerLawfulness6
Michael and Debi Pearl, I believe. Their book "To Train
Up a Child" advocated for parents to strictly punish
anything less than immediate, cheerful obedience.
Beatings, food deprivation, being forced to stand out in
the cold, or being hosed down outside as humiliation are
just some of the advised punishments. They may be best
known for blanket training in which you put an infant on
a blanket surrounded by a selection of toys and hit them
with a switch any time they reach for one until they
give up trying to play.
The book has been tied to at least 3 deaths from child
abuse in US courts. |
/u/Internal-Hand-4705
Jesus: love people, love kids
People who pretend to follow Jesus: beat your kids,
ignore them
'If only you Christians were more like your Christ' |
/u/wazzup-notemuch
So this is how the far right self-perpetuates. With
child abuse.
Can't say I'm surprised, but good gawd, how awful. |
/u/FadedVictor
It's not really surprising. These people are anti
science and all modern studies show that physical
violence against children does nothing good for them.
But people will say, "My dad beat my ass and I'm okay!"
But they ignore that they're alcoholics, abusers, or
emotional cripples. |
/u/DeepDreamIt
I find most people who use the phrase, "And I turned out
ok," seemingly are only referring to the fact they are
alive and employed |
/u/AllReeteChuck
"Being spanked never did me any harm"
Yeah...except for the fact you think its ok to use
violence against a child! |
/u/FadedVictor
I always find this thought interesting. Violence is
intolerable in every situation EXCEPT when used against
a child for "discipline". The group that has no autonomy
or way to defend themselves. |
/u/iamdispleased
As someone who was raised in an abusive household, I've
actually found that most of my friends with similar
backgrounds, and I, are more progressive and empathetic.
There are definitely people who make the choice to be
kind because they've seen how badly we can choose to
harm each other. |
/u/wazzup-notemuch
I like to say that there are two ways to move through
the world.
The first is "If I had to suffer, then so should
everyone else."
The second is "No one should have to suffer like I
did."
And that choice, more often than not, is the difference
between good and evil. I don't know what drives a person
to one path over the other. |
/u/Korlus
Admitting that their life could have turned out better
if yoy had been raised differently is difficult for a
number of reasons. A big one is that a core conservative
belief is that the status quo is safe, and humans are
conservative by default - it's hard to break a habit and
scary to try something new; our brains are wired that
way because it is a good survival instinct.
If you could boil down conservatism vs. Progressivism
into two single adages, it would be:
Conservatism: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Progressivism: We can always do better.
Part of the difficulty of being human is sometimes
change for change's sake is a bad idea. There are plenty
of times where we have tried something and it has been
worse than what came before, so it's best that we are a
little conservative with the changes we do make, but if
you adopt a full conservative mindset and stop all
change, life never improves.
We need a mixture of both, and the common sense to know
which is needed at any given time.
Plenty of folks look at the past as an instruction
manual for the future.
I don't know if that answers your question. |
/u/emmademontford
Those are not usually the same people saying "I was
spanked and I'm fine!" |
/u/Callidonaut
When Trump began his second term, some of his supporters
literally adopted a mantra that was basically along the
lines of "daddy's home and he's angry," as if that were
a good thing. Sometimes, the generational trauma is
really obvious. |
/u/MiningForLight
That was both so fucking bizarre and so immediately
telling. |
/u/MimicoSkunkFan2
Yeah don't look up "to train up a child" by the Pearls
esp Michael & Debi Pearl... it's what a lot of the
Quiverfull and fundamentalist Independent Baptist crowds
use and it's literally beating infants 🤢 |
/u/Russiadontgiveafuck
German here. This generation of people, along with the
young men and women who survived the war, are called the
silent generation. No telling how they would've turned
out had this lack of affection been their only trauma,
because it wasn't. They all also nearly froze to death,
starved to death, may have been subjected to the terror
that was "Kinderlandverschickung" (for my dad, born in
37, this one was the worst. Worse than losing both
parents during the war), lost family members, and then
years later had to reckon with the truth about Nazi
Germany.
They mostly just don't talk about anything. At all. |
/u/DwinkBexon
That's interesting because the US has a silent
generation as well, it's the generation directly
preceding the baby boomers. (roughly 1928 to 1945) So it
sounds like roughly the same time frame.
Though the reason we call it the silent generation is
because it's not very large. '28 to '45 aligns with the
Great Depression almost exactly (which started in 1929
and ended in the mid 40s), when childbirth rates
plummeted. A lot of people didn't want to have kids, so
the generation is small and without much influence,
therefore being "silent."
While there was no doctrine of abusing/ignoring kids
that I'm aware of, it was pretty bad in general during
the depression. |
/u/killer89_
This generation of people, along with the young men and
women who survived the war, are called the silent
generation. No telling how they would've turned out had
this lack of affection been their only trauma, because
it wasn't. They all also nearly froze to death, starved
to death, may have been subjected to the terror that was
"Kinderlandverschickung" (for my dad, born in 37, this
one was the worst. Worse than losing both parents during
the war), lost family members, and then years later had
to reckon with the truth about Nazi Germany.
"Adagio for Strings" is a fitting composition for that
generation. |
/u/Big_Scary_Monsters
My mothers grandparents were a kindergardener and a
teacher- both convinced nazis.
I don't know much about their parenting, but i've
experienced the results plenty.
Our family is fun! 🙃 |
/u/dkw80
CPTSD, extra points if it's multi generational. |
/u/Internal-Hand-4705
As a mother, that's just made me cry. Those poor babies
(and poor mothers who had to follow this advice!)
It's pure instinct to comfort my baby when they cry -
it would be actively painful to ignore them for any
extended period of time (sometimes I have to pee or help
my toddler obviously). They have no other way of
communicating and are totally helpless! Cruel |
/u/MiningForLight
It reminds me of Aime Cesaire's point that colonization
dehumanizes both the colonized and the colonizer, as the
colonizer must kill a part of themselves to, in turn,
inflict brutality upon the colonized. |
/u/Author_Noelle_A
Once, ONCE, I left my daughter crying in her crib for
about five minutes. That bullshit that how kids won't
learn to fall asleep on their own or sleep through the
night or anything if you were always there. I lasted
five minutes one time, and still feel guilty as fuck
about that. My daughter is 16 now and guess who has no
problem falling asleep on her own. She knows that she is
safe and secure. Even now if she needs to fall asleep
with me, she's welcome to come fall asleep with me, and
I will cuddle her. as a mom I just can't understand
telling a kid to just go be alone. |
/u/AlaeOrbis
They didn't "have" to follow it there's really no excuse
for it |
/u/Internal-Hand-4705
My grandmother was forced to let some of her babies cry
under actual physical coercion of my 'grandfather' (not
to this extent, but putting them at the bottom of the
garden for a few hours and ignoring them)
People also used to not question advice of
doctors/scientists etc - pre internet, a lot of people
followed their advice as they genuinely believed that
was best.
It doesn't justify it completely obviously but it does
explain why they may have gone against their own
instincts. |
/u/Super-Estate-4112
Although, it seems, even nazis didn't follow it,
Himmler's daughter saw her father as a good father and
defended him until her death. |
/u/StitchinThroughTime
This reminds me that a couple of months ago of a white
YouTuber couple went to Africa to adopt a kid. And one
of the ways that they were implementing care for the
child and attempts to bond with it, was to withhold food
unless the baby stop crying and looked at them. They
openly claim they spent hours with this kid crying for
food and they wouldn't feed the crying hungry baby they
just adopted. And this was a young child about 6 months,
they don't speak, it's still too early to teach them
sign language for food, if they had time to do that at
the orphanage. So this kid took hours of communicating
the only way should have that it was hungry, for the
deranged people to film themselves supposedly bonding
with the child. All they did was train the poor thing
that crying doesn't get food only looking at their faces
gets it food. |
/u/kaityl3
...what? What channel? And CPS (or the equivalent)
hasn't been called even though it's all documented? |
/u/Giogina
Hoooly crap (you may or may not just have explained the
origin of my family's generational trauma) |
/u/Awkward_Swordfish581
Time to hug my baby jfc |
/u/Front-Pomelo-4367
There are many studies you can read up on with the kids
who were adopted from Romania's orphanages. They
generally had huge difficulty ever adapting to a home or
accepting affection |
/u/Viper711
Watch 'Monster', it's a brilliant little anime series
with lots of these questions. |
/u/SpaceEngineering
Thanks, but as a father of two that is a hard skip 😂 |
/u/Viper711
The framing of the show always presents behaviour as a
choice, so it's not really distressing in the way the OP
appears to be. There's a lot of hope and good in the
show. Well worth a watch as a parent! |
/u/p0llyp0cketpussy
Can you be a little more specific? There are so many
shows with that name. |
/u/Khiva
To clarify - it's a Japanese anime that happens to be
set in Germany. |
/u/twinnedcalcite
It's an anime set just before the fall of the Berlin
wall and continues into the late 90s.
Deals with the consequences of using orphanages as
places of experiments in raising children with out love
or a name. Also the effects of the superior race theory.
Very well written thriller. |
/u/TalkingCat910
That's interesting I assumed the survivors would have a
lot of mental health problems and would be stunted in
some way |
/u/Person-11
Sad fact: We learnt much of this from Romania, where
Ceaușescu banned all birth control measures and
embarked upon a decade of needlessly harsh austerity.
Thousands of these abandoned children would die in
Romanian orphanages. |
/u/D-Beyond
just recently watched a youtube video about it where
they interviewed survivors. absolutely heartbreaking |
/u/sixtus_clegane119
This is the thing where you could see brain damage on a
scan right? I forget the details but the abuse
basicallly left abnormalities in the brain |
/u/-Daetrax-
But how does death occur? Spontaneous? Stop eating?
Suicides? |
/u/Electrical_Lake3424
Metabolic issues like malabsorption; the stress on the
body affects the digestion and they can't absorb enough
from the food they're getting, even if they have plenty
of food. And immunological things; the stress wrecked
their immune system and they died of whatever was around
at the time; even a little case of upset stomach can be
deadly if you have no way to fight off the infection. |
/u/seattleseahawks2014
And sometimes this can starve you even if you're eating. |
/u/Electrical_Lake3424
The constant raise in cortisol levels really does a
number on the body, and on something as fragile as an
infant... |
/u/YourLocalMosquito
A follow up point: it is impossible to spoil a baby. The
older generation love to say "you'll spoil that baby by
picking it up all the time". Incorrect. More nurture =
healthier human |
/u/seattleseahawks2014
Besides, sometimes there's something more going on too. |
/u/ledow
A baby, yes. I agree.
But working in schools, it is CATEGORICALLY possible to
spoil a school-age child, to their detriment.
The toddler years are difficult BECAUSE they start to
lose that exclusive attention. Having siblings is
difficult BECAUSE they compete for attention.
It's those moments of transition at that point in life
(between baby and child) and the handling of them, that
are rough for both sides because suddenly "rules" and
"limits" and "restrictions" are coming in, and the
toddler rebels against them. But it's the handling of
that same transition that determines whether the
parent's behaviour (and from that the child's behaviour)
can be ruined by being spoiled. And they absolutely can.
But a baby? No. You can't spoil a baby, really. |
/u/pdinc
Whats the transition between "baby" and "not baby" here |
/u/GottaUseEmAll
It probably depends heavily on the development of the
specific child, but I would say sometime between 2 years
old and 3 years old the child starts needing to learn
healthy, age-appropriate, separation. |
/u/ledow
But there's a reason that toddlers (2-3) are renowned
for tantrums., and those problems are normally resolved
by school age (5+) in most circumstances and if not then
the SCHOOL raises concerns.
Toddlers are no longer the special baby that can't help
itself. Now they have to make choices, and talk to mum
and dad, and know what to ask for, and they get told No,
and they can't just get their way by screaming the house
down, and so on. That transition period? That's them
discovering that they're not special any more. |
/u/AnusStapler
My two boys are desperately waiting until they can sing
"ONE OF US, ONE OF US" to their little sister lol. |
/u/xpknightx
An off the cuff answer would be around the time kids
start forming their earliest memories. Anecdotally I
think that is around 3 or so (everyone develops a bit
different). |
/u/CapableFruitLoops
Obviously what you're saying is true about children
needing attention to live, but that isn't what the
medical diagnosis of "failure to thrive" is. Generally
that's a diagnosis for kids who are malnourished, and
that can be for a variety of reasons (like being unable
to absorb nutrients, gastrointestinal reasons,
psychological issues). It doesn't literally mean dead
from neglect. |
/u/takeyouraxeandhack
Frederik II did an experiment in the 1200s by raising
kids without talking to them or interacting with them
excepting feeding and cleaning them to see which
language would they develop.
All the kids died. |
/u/Iforgotmypassword126
Failure to thrive was a catch all term for children with
gastrointestinal or dietary issues as well, or children
who for other reasons who weren't gaining weight. Not
just for behavioural or emotional.
The UK only formally stepped away from the term for
children who struggle to put weight on in infancy in
2017 and the USA, March 2026.
Just so you aren't confused because lots of attentive
parents have children who are diagnosed as failure to
thrive.
My daughter was born in 2023 and while the doctors
admitted the term was outdated, she had failure to
thrive and referred me to a ped. It's still not uncommon
to hear the term today. |
/u/spottyPotty
B.F. Skinner had already discovered this with his pit of
despair monkey experiments |
/u/Battle-Any
One of my sisters was adopted from one of these
orphanages. Her life there was horrific; she was
basically catatonic for months after she was brought
home. She (at 35) 100% still has issues caused by her
time in the orphanage, even though so many people say
"she should get over it, she can't even remember". Her
brain remembers, even though it isn't consciously
remembering. |
/u/pungen
I remember seeing a documentary on tv in the early 90s
about it (US), I wonder if anyone else here saw it as we
had limited programming options at the the time. They
were showing an orphanage in Eastern Europe/Soviet Union
where the children weren't touched/loved and most of
them had major deformities. It was like a cruel
fairytale, people growing into misshapen creatures that
never developed mentally or physically. I remember
seeing a teenager who had unusually long limbs that were
just like pure bone covered in skin. I think it was a
wake-up call for a lot of parents that wanted a white
baby from an orphanage. |
/u/iamacarboncarbonbond
I mean that sounds more like Marfan syndrome, which is
genetic. |
/u/someLemonz
and sunlight, and play |
/u/Mediocre_Luck2467
the same article mentions the babies would just stare at
their own hands for hours trying to get any kind of
stimulation. somehow that's even worse than the silence |
/u/DMan1629
The article is quite depressing - I wrote the main part,
but it's so much worse... |
/u/AnusStapler
This morning I heard a podcast with the theme "Family",
and it was an interview with an elderly woman who was
born in 1938 in Rotterdam. When she was around 2 years
old the city was bombed by the Germans (flattened) and
the only thing she could remember was her family just
leaving her in the house because she was too young to
walk/run on her own and she just was too big of a burden
to bring along while fleeing for the bombs. She felt
worthless her whole life. |
/u/OneEggOmelette
What the hell? Its not exactly hadd to carey a 2 year
old |
/u/ThoreaulyLost
...it is, however, hard to feed it and hard to keep
quiet in a warzone.
I think a lot of people don't realize how fast
Utilitarianism kicks in in survival mode. 1938 is sort
of the cusp for modern medicine as well: infant
mortality was likely still pretty high, it may have been
seen as merciful to leave the child, rather than see it
slowly starve for weeks, or possibly shot by soldiers if
they were caught.
WWII was messed up (I mean, all war is but this was
most of Europe). It's really, really frustrating how
short our collective memory is regarding nationalism and
facism. |
/u/nbtsnake
Yes, if we are trying to understand the thought process
behind leaving their own child behind, instead of
pointlessly grandstanding and virtue signalling, it has
to go something along the lines of:
They were in a war zone, they must have witnessed a few
examples of how a crying 2 year old might have alerted
soldiers to the presence of another family, resulting in
that family getting shot or taken prisoner, and they
were therefore desperate to avoid the same situation,
so, when an opportunity came to leave their 2 year old
behind, they took it, thinking that maybe the bombing
would at least provide a mercifully quick death.
That's all I can think of, because most people aren't
monsters for no good reason, and leaving your 2 year old
to die during bombing would have to have a really good
reason to make sense. |
/u/AristaWatson
This is also true in Japan during war. The elderly would
go off into the woods or something and die so as to
unburden the family. They'd stay behind during attacks
so as to not make anyone have to carry them or slow them
down. It's very miserable, but it's the sad truth of
things.
We saw this during the peak of COVID with triage.
They'd prioritize younger and healthier people over
disabled and elderly people. All life has meaning, but
to many people, certain lives carry more meaning than
others. It's cruel and morbid. But it's the reality of
things. Ow. |
/u/HowsYaSistasAss
Moral of the story : war is fucking HELL |
/u/GeneticEnginLifeForm
Oof, you just reminded me of the "chicken" episode of
M*A*S*H |
/u/tlst9999
WWII was messed up (I mean, all war is but this was most
of Europe). It's really, really frustrating how short
our collective memory is regarding natuonalism and
facism.
War is sweet for those who never experience it,
especially the draft dodger president. |
/u/AdministrativeEnd388
Honestly I rather die in the effort |
/u/DangerousTurmeric
Maybe they had other kids to carry too. |
/u/AnusStapler
Yes, they had. Many other kids, as was usual back then
in Dutch families. |
/u/Sekmet19
Carry a two year old, all your food, medicine, money,
cookware, family heirlooms, clothing, (basically
everything you will have left and need for survival in
the open field), 100 miles while an army is surrounding
you with intent to kill you/rape you and your kids.
There are places along the way where there will be
active battlefields with tank rounds, machine gun fire,
and bombings. You have 5 other children ages 4, 7, 8,
11, and 13, all of whom are malnourished from war
rationing. There is rampant looting, rape, and robbery.
There is no law enforcement, public systems, or
government order intact, just you and your neighbors who
are fleeing on foot immediately.
You don't know what the circumstances are, you don't
know what actually happened. You don't know how long
they had to make a decision, how exhausted they were, or
if they were too malnourished to carry a child. This
woman was two, she doesn't remember and only knows what
she was told. It's a tragedy and I feel for her and
everyone who was in that terrible war, save those who
wanted it and kept it going. |
/u/Rogersgirl75
I'm 28 and my family would be carrying me out if I was
incapacitated somehow. Can't imagine leaving a small
child for any reason. |
/u/HowsYaSistasAss
Holy fuck that's brutal |
/u/potatoaster
You're responding to an AI bot.
I don't know why this sub allows them. |
/u/Remarkable_Web8774
long term lack of human interaction creates permanent
damage to infant emotional and cognitive development |
/u/Min3drillo
As a father It was a sickening read. I can't Imagine my
son going through this. |
/u/SkittyKitty123
A childcare centre I was doing work experience at told
me not to pick the babies up when they cry because then
they'll expect to be held all the time. And when it's
one person per 6 babies you don't have the capacity to
do that. |
/u/TheGardenNymph
This was our parents and grandparents parenting style,
its common advice from their generation even now. It
comes up in the parenting subs a lot that someone's mum,
MIL or grandma will tell them to stop picking up their
baby or that they're holding them too much. A lot of
them think their children slept through the night from 3
months but the reality is the babies stopped crying
because they were ignored all night. Our generation is
very different, we recognise that you cant spoil a baby
and that they cry because they need something and its
their only form of communication, whereas older
generations called this "manipulation" from babies too
young to manipulate. |
/u/Treefrogpaint
Our generation does a lot of sleep training, at least in
the US it's seen a the default |
/u/MiningForLight
My dad would stand in the doorway and physically block
my mom from checking on me when I cried. |
/u/TheGardenNymph
My sister in law told me that her husband does this, I
was absolutely horrified. I would feel so betrayed by my
husband if he ever tried this. |
/u/fatgat69
I would castrate anyone keeping me from taking care of
my child. |
/u/HobbitousMaximus
Yep. They go on about "sleep training" but when they
stop crying in the night their stress levels stay the
same, they just stop trying to ask for help. |
/u/Zanki
I'm pretty sure my mum did that to me. Just let me cry
it out. She even said I was a quiet baby who rarely
cried and she wondered wth happened because I was a
monster as a toddler. Well it turns out I wasn't. Turns
out I was a normal toddler, doing normal things, and was
being punished severely for it (ht, screamed at in my
face, shook). My cousin's were horrified when they heard
the stories of how "bad" I was after they had kids. My
mum thought anything I did that was bad to her, was an
attack on her personally, that I was out to get her.
Nothing I ever did was an accident. She'd scream that
last part at me in a rage sometimes as she ht me. I was
too young to be manipulative. All I learned was fear,
fear of making mistakes.
My mum never told me she loved me, because she didn't.
Never wrote it in a single birthday card. I have some of
my childhood ones. Refused to hug me, I was too old for
hugs at six, wouldn't sit next to me on the couch, she
had her chair and I wasn't allowed to bother her in it.
I was severely touch starved as a kid because no one
hugged me ever. I didn't have a dad and mum's family
were as bad/worse than her. I still remember as a tween,
starting karate and I was absolutely freaking out when
my arm had to touch another person's. I hadn't had any
contact that wasn't to hurt me by another human in years
(kids in school weren't kind to me either). I nearly
quit just to get away from that, but I really, really
wanted to do martial arts so I had to get used to it...
How it's affected adult me? Cptsd, but I think the
worst part is that I don't trust other people easily. If
I don't know them I don't trust them. The worst part
though, if I'm upset, I can't be comforted by another
human and it sucks. Only my coping mechanisms work and
they're not the healthiest. I'm good mostly. I try not
to be my mum. I'm not violent, I don't yell, I don't
think anyone is out to get me, I have a lot of friends,
an amazing partner who has helped me tremendously. I've
been lucky. |